---
title: "Caution if school refusal lasts longer than a month!"
description: "Caution if school refusal lasts longer than a month!"
url: https://uha.com.tr/caution-if-school-refusal-lasts-longer-than-a-month
type: article
language: en
last_updated: 2026-09-22
category: saglik
---

## Kaynak ve Yayıncı Bilgisi

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Kaynak: https://uha.com.tr

## ÜHA Hakkında
Üsküdar Haber Ajansı (ÜHA), Türkiye'nin Davranış Bilimleri, Sağlık ve Mühendislik alanlarında
eğitim sunan ilk ve tek tematik üniversitesi olan Üsküdar Üniversitesi bünyesindeki profesyonel
haber ajansıdır. Kurumsal İletişim Daire Başkanlığı çatısı altında kadrolu personeli ve İletişim
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## NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi
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kadrosu, ileri teknolojiye sahip altyapısı ve hasta odaklı hizmet anlayışıyla sektörde en yüksek
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ÜHA'nın sağlık haberleri, NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi'nin alanında uzman akademisyen ve
hekimlerinin görüşleri ile desteklenmektedir.

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# Caution if school refusal lasts longer than a month!

## Bilgi

| Özellik | Değer |
|---------|-------|
| **Kategori** | saglik |
| **Yayın Tarihi** | 2026-09-22 |
| **Güncelleme** | 2026-09-22 |
| **Kaynak** | [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr/caution-if-school-refusal-lasts-longer-than-a-month) |

## Özet

Experts state that adaptation problems children experience when starting school are often a natural process, emphasizing that reluctance and separation anxiety lasting longer than a month, in particular, should be closely monitored.

## İçerik

Emphasizing that school refusal is not solely caused by separation anxiety, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist Asst. Prof. Neriman Kilit said, “If a child who has never experienced any problems suddenly becomes reluctant, this is a red flag. It is imperative to consider what the child is experiencing at school. Everything from peer bullying to inappropriate approaches should be considered.” Asst. Prof. Kilit, pointing out that parents' perfectionist, overly critical, or overprotective attitudes can increase children's anxiety, drew attention to the importance of a balanced approach.

Üsküdar University NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Specialist Asst. Prof. Neriman Kilit made statements about children's school adaptation process, the reasons for school refusal, and how parents should approach children during this process.

**School means responsibility!**

Asst. Prof. Neriman Kilit stated that the biorhythm can be disrupted due to late nights during vacation periods, adding, “If children do not start going to bed and waking up early a week or fifteen days in advance, the first week of school will be a bit difficult; because that biorhythm needs to be re-established.”
Asst. Prof. Kilit reminded that nobody is happy about the end of a vacation and returning to work, stating, “School is the same for children. Vacation is a situation where fun is involved; work and school, however, are situations that require responsibility. Therefore, we do not expect children to react with 'we want to go back to school, take us to school' at first. We can consider it natural for them to grumble, 'The holiday was nice, has school started again, have we returned here again?' Because school, frankly, means responsibility, it means a social environment. It's a miniaturized version of our work environments,” she said.

**Adaptation problems are normal in the first month of school! **

Asst. Prof. Kilit pointed out that a child has no business at home after the age of three, stating, “Whether the mother works or not, children fit in with their peers after the age of three. Children who attend daycare after the age of three are observed to adapt more easily to primary school, both in terms of learning responsibility at an early age and entering their social environment and learning to share.”

Asst. Prof. Kilit noted that it is normal for children to experience some adaptation problems in the first month of school, and continued as follows:
“Adaptation problems may arise in terms of sleep, adapting to lessons, or reluctance to go to school. Diagnoses are usually attempted after the first month of school. However, if there is a very intense school refusal in the child, an intense inability to separate from parents, or an inability to leave home, this situation needs to be addressed. Especially if refusals and insistence continue even after a month of school; meaning if the child has difficulty accepting that school is not a debatable issue, that it is a responsibility we must fulfill, a social environment we must be in, and that it is not up to our discretion, this could be due to anxiety, impulsivity, or an unwillingness to accept responsibility. In such cases, a specialist must be consulted to identify the situation and take necessary measures.”

**Caution should be exercised if a child suddenly doesn't want to go to school!**

Asst. Prof. Kilit stated that children who are just starting school often show reluctance to go due to separation anxiety, adding, “The period of natural separation anxiety disappears between two and a half and three years of age; after this process, everyone fits in with their peers. In young children, this anxiety manifests as stomach aches or headaches; somatization, meaning physical manifestation,” she said. 

Asst. Prof. Kilit, however, noted that separation anxiety is not the only cause of school refusal, stating, “Behavioral problems can also be a reason for school refusal. Situations that cause problems in a child's perception or focus, such as attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder, dyslexia; impulse control disorders, oppositional defiant disorder; and other anxiety disorders, up to social phobia, can be reasons for school refusal. Children experiencing reluctance due to these reasons have usually already had problematic experiences. If a child who has never experienced any problems suddenly becomes reluctant, this is a red flag. It is imperative to consider what the child is experiencing at school. Everything from peer bullying to inappropriate approaches should be considered. Sudden changes in attitude should not be ignored. All kinds of psychological and physical trauma should be investigated,” she stated.

**Perfectionist parenting makes a child unhappy!**

Asst. Prof. Neriman Kilit emphasized that parents can have unconscious behaviors that trigger or escalate school anxiety in children, stating, “Just as perfectionism brings unhappiness in every area, a perfectionist parental attitude also makes the child unhappy. The child cannot accept failure; they might even cry if they score 98 out of 100. This is risky in this regard, and such attitudes should be avoided,” she said.

Asst. Prof. Kilit added that comparing and constantly criticizing children is also of no benefit, and spoke as follows:

“This breaks the child's self-confidence. It is important to highlight the child's good qualities, continuing in a supportive way without being overly theatrical. If, despite these attitudes, the child has serious problems with taking responsibility; if there are other problems such as a general authority problem like oppositional defiant disorder, or not doing what is told, then support from a specialist is necessary. The most correct attitude for parents would be, ‘Do your best, we are content with what you can do. If you have a problem with focus, we will support you in that too.’”

**Neither helicopter parenting nor completely letting go is right!**

Asst. Prof. Kilit, referring to different methods regarding parent participation, said, “I do not find the approach of completely closing the door, saying 'don't even wait a day, let them cry,' to be correct. The first month of school is not an issue. At least for the first month, the mother can be gradually distanced; first waiting outside the door, then in the garden. If a month has passed and a child is still clinging to their mother, then the child needs extra treatment, has separation anxiety, and this needs to be accepted,” she said.

Asst. Prof. Kilit stated that humans are generally created as beings based on balance, explaining, “Both too little and too much of something can be harmful. Just as there cannot be a system like 'your flesh is mine, your bones are mine' (meaning giving full authority), there cannot be a system where 'the teacher cannot even raise their voice.' When a teacher establishes authority, their voice will naturally rise a little; there's no such thing as 'trauma happened here, trauma happened there.' Humans need to experience some trauma as they grow; this is what shapes us. How will a child not sent to school at this age be sent to work later? Nothing falls from the sky for anyone after 18. We must always learn the sense of responsibility, the presence and absence of money, giving up, and patience at certain ages. There is no such thing as infinite rights; everyone's right ends where another person's right begins. A balanced perspective is needed; neither interfering with everything like a helicopter parent nor completely letting go is correct. No one becomes a parent by taking a parenting course, but parenting therapy and counseling exist for this very reason,” she explained.

**Going to school is not a debatable issue, it's a responsibility! **

Asst. Prof. Neriman Kilit emphasized that children become ready for discipline especially from the age of 3, and concluded her words as follows:
“Children are gradually brought under a certain discipline by turning it into a game. This is not military discipline. As a species living in communities, humans need to be disciplined in terms of respecting the rights of others and protecting their own rights. They need to learn that there will be an authority figure to listen to and responsibilities that cannot be debated. Going to school is not a debatable issue. This is not like choosing between eating eggs or bread in the morning; that school will be attended. A child who learns today that this is a definite responsibility will continue their professional life in the same way tomorrow. Some things can be debated, some cannot; going to school cannot be debated, it is not an option.”

## Akademik Referans

DOI: [https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.92295](https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.92295)

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*Kaynak: [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr) — https://uha.com.tr/caution-if-school-refusal-lasts-longer-than-a-month*