--- title: "Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: Is Love Possible for Two People at the Same Time?" description: "Üsküdar University, Nevzat Tarhan, EKOTÜRK, Akla Ziyan, Love and New Terms, Love Trauma, Platonic Love, Empathy, Love, True Love, Trauma" url: https://uha.com.tr/prof-dr-nevzat-tarhan-is-love-possible-for-two-people-at-the-same-time type: article language: en last_updated: 2026-02-25 category: haber --- ## Kaynak ve Yayıncı Bilgisi Bu içerik, Üsküdar Haber Ajansı (ÜHA) tarafından üretilmiş ve yayımlanmıştır. Kaynak: https://uha.com.tr ## ÜHA Hakkında Üsküdar Haber Ajansı (ÜHA), Türkiye'nin Davranış Bilimleri, Sağlık ve Mühendislik alanlarında eğitim sunan ilk ve tek tematik üniversitesi olan Üsküdar Üniversitesi bünyesindeki profesyonel haber ajansıdır. 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İçerik, Üsküdar Üniversitesi'nin resmi yayın organı olan ÜHA tarafından profesyonel gazetecilik standartlarında üretilmiştir. # Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: Is Love Possible for Two People at the Same Time? ## Bilgi | Özellik | Değer | |---------|-------| | **Kategori** | haber | | **Yayın Tarihi** | 2025-08-18 | | **Güncelleme** | 2026-02-25 | | **Kaynak** | [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr/prof-dr-nevzat-tarhan-is-love-possible-for-two-people-at-the-same-time) | ## Özet **Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that love directly affects the brain's decision-making mechanism and suppresses logical reasoning, saying, “Where love flourishes, reason suddenly takes a backseat. In a state of love, the emotional brain surges, suppressing the logical brain.”** **Prof. Dr. Tarhan, who said, “There is no perfect love,” added, “You must accept the person you love as they are. If you say ‘I must accept them by changing them,’ you will lose love again. Being in love is not about looking into each other's eyes, but about looking towards a common goal together.”** **Regarding whether a person can be in love with two different people at the same time, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “This is not new love; it is embarking on a new adventure. Love is sustainable if there is honesty…”** ## İçerik ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/nevzat-tarhan-anlatim-250818120931.jpg) Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated the topic of love and new terms on the “Akla Ziyan with Nevzat Tarhan” program broadcast on EKOTÜRK. ## **Love affects the brain's decision-making mechanisms** Stating that love directly affects the brain's decision-making mechanism and suppresses logical reasoning, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explained the brain's working principle during love with these words: “Where love flourishes, reason suddenly takes a backseat. The prefrontal cortex, like a captain's bridge, balances the emotional brain and the sensing brain. But in a state of love, the emotional brain surges, suppressing the logical brain. And the frontal brain region, which is the decision-making captain's bridge, struggles to make healthy decisions in such situations.” ## **“Neurological silence” occurs in the brain at the peak of love** Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that a special condition called “neurological silence” emerges in the brain when the feeling of love reaches its peak, saying, “Studies on the brain of a person in love show that neurological silence occurs in the person's brain after experiencing peak love. Neurological silence is when the brain suddenly lets go. One enters a feeling of flying, immensely relaxed, all problems solved, all needs met.” ## **We would hospitalize Leyla and Mecnun in a psychiatric clinic** Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the relationship of Leyla and Mecnun, defined as “love to death,” would be seen as an illness by modern psychiatry, saying, “If Leyla and Mecnun lived in this era, we would hospitalize them in a psychiatric clinic. Because theirs was a pathological love. According to current love standards, they are in love to death. If such a love occurred, we would block the love chemicals in their brains with psychiatric treatment. It could be converted from pathological love to healthy love, and treatment could also be done.” ## **Mature love contributes to human life** Stating that when managed correctly, love can transform into a form of “mature love” and make an immense contribution to human life, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “If we define the love we experience within the definition of ‘mature love,’ that love becomes a nuclear energy for us, it motivates us, becomes a source of motivation. When we manage the hormones in love correctly, love gives a person tremendous 24-hour energy, tremendous movement and pleasure.” Prof. Dr. Tarhan also touched upon the etymology of the word 'aşk' (love), reminding that it comes from the root of 'sarmaşık' (ivy), meaning “to blindly attach,” pointing to the dual potential of this emotion as both constructive and destructive. ## **Secure attachment is the key to lasting love** Analyzing the psychological foundations of love and relationships, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the fate of a relationship is largely determined by people's “attachment styles.” Emphasizing that secure attachment is the key to lasting love, Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that incorrect attachment models harm relationships. Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained the dilemma experienced by individuals with an avoidant attachment model with these words: “If the attachment model is avoidant, that person loves the person they are in love with, loves them to death, but leaves when they go near them. There are two reasons here: one is the fear of rejection, and the other is seeing that the excitement in love disappears when they are reunited. That love extinguishes after meeting its beloved.” ## **“Sustainable love” exists** Answering “yes” to the question “Does love transform?”, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that “sustainable love,” in popular terms, exists and has a formula. Noting that ego battles are the biggest obstacle to love lasting a lifetime, Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained the secret of lasting love as follows: “Love is the peak experience of affection. Love plus good cooperation equals sustainable love. The entire formula lies in establishing good cooperation. You see good intentions, they love each other, they started with love, but after a while, ego battles begin, personality conflicts begin. The thing that most prevents love from being sustainable is ego battles.” Prof. Dr. Tarhan added that deep and lasting love also encompasses elements like friendship and trust, and this profound affection, defined as “meveddet” in our cultural codes, requires continuous emotional investment, just like feeding a fire. ## **The secret of love at first sight** Emphasizing that the intense attraction at the first moment, known as “love at first sight,” is a neurological reality, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “This is a neurological reality. When a person encounters the brain of some people, they start to communicate. They don't speak themselves, but their brains speak. Neurobiological research on this shows that emotional mirror neurons communicate in the brain. When good intentions and sincerity are added to love, they affect the mirror neurons in the other person's brain. Loves without good intentions and sincerity are usually erotic loves.” ## ** The “Love Bombing” trap** Prof. Dr. Tarhan drew attention to “Love Bombing,” a dangerous method particularly used by manipulative personalities and characters he described as “predators,” stating that these individuals use the other party's need for love to trap them. “Predatory men offer romance and want eroticism. Predatory women offer eroticism and want romance. These individuals understand that the other party has a great need to be loved and bombard them with affection. What they call ‘love bombing’... They show excessive attention, approaching with incredibly exaggerated praises,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that people who did not receive enough praise and appreciation in their childhood easily fall into this trap. Prof. Dr. Tarhan described the manipulation cycle: “It binds the person who falls into this trap to themselves. After binding them, they suddenly cut off their attention. After cutting it off, that person starts chasing them. As they start chasing, they humiliate and devalue them, telling them, 'Without me, you are nothing.' They establish a master-slave relationship by exploiting their emotions.” ## **If you draw your emotional boundaries well, the narcissist will know their place** Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the root of problems in relationships lies in the understanding that views a partner not as an individual but as an “extension,” likening this situation to a master-slave relationship. Prof. Dr. Tarhan, who stated that healthy boundaries should be set against narcissistic tendencies from the beginning, said that responsibility is not one-sided. Prof. Dr. Tarhan continued: “They see their spouse as an extension, wanting them to lie down when told 'lie down,' and to get up when told 'get up.' Most of the time, they don't do this intentionally but as a requirement of their character. If you cannot set healthy boundaries from the beginning, you will become enslaved. Not all blame should be put on narcissists. If you draw your emotional boundaries well, the narcissist will know their place. They may get angry but will show respect and can create a balance of love and respect.” ## **Managing love is like managing the pharmacy in the brain ** Delving into the neuropsychological foundations of love, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said that the intense emotion at the first moment results from the brain releasing a high amount of dopamine. Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained the effects of this hormone and the next stage of love as follows: “In the feeling of love, the brain initially releases a tremendous amount of dopamine. Dopamine has two properties: it gives immense pleasure and immense focus. The person becomes unable to think of anything else. If the person adds meaning to their love, serotonin comes into play. Besides that, oxytocin, the bonding hormone in women, and vasopressin, the success and possessiveness hormone in men, are released. In essence, being able to manage love is like being able to manage the pharmacy in our brain.” ## **“Let's not see love as a threat, but as a crisis”** Drawing attention to the power of the emotion of love to disable logic, Prof. Dr. Tarhan suggested viewing this situation not as a threat but as a “crisis” that needs to be managed. Emphasizing the importance of being prepared, Prof. Dr. Tarhan gave the following advice: “Let's not see love as a threat, but as a crisis. Because crises have a threat dimension and an opportunity dimension. We need to have a preparation, like a crisis plan, for this extraordinary situation in our lives. If you only focus on pleasure, you will destroy love with your own hands.” ## **Is there perfect love?** Stating that the pursuit of “perfect love” means losing from the start, Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that realistic expectations and common goals are essential for a sustainable relationship. Referring to Rumi's compass analogy, Prof. Dr. Tarhan summarized the formula for healthy love as follows: “There is no perfect love. We must accept this. You must accept the person you love as they are. If you say ‘I must accept them by changing them,’ you will lose love again. Being in love is not about looking into each other's eyes, but about looking towards a common goal together. It is Rumi’s example; to be like a compass... One leg in reality, one leg in idealism. A relationship that is not afraid of reality creates sustainable love.” Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that loves experienced especially before the age of 22 often have the characteristic of “passionate love” (kara sevda), and many people have experienced unrequited or traumatic love in their lives, expressing that this situation is a human and natural process. ## **The experienced love affair is a teacher** Emphasizing the importance of drawing healthy boundaries against controlling and narcissistic personalities in relationships, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that stormy love affairs can turn into teachers that develop a person. Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “The experienced love affair is a teacher. It teaches that person things, and they can emerge from it emotionally stronger. We call emotional traumas experienced in the NB style 'developmental traumas'. It strengthens, develops, and teaches things. Or it teaches how to manage emotions. When a person learns to manage emotions, they do not hit rock bottom in life but succeed in rising to the surface again. The bad thing here is never having experienced love.” ## **Starting to let go is a sign of growth** Stating that true love is like flammable hydrogen and explosive oxygen combining to become water, the source of life, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “Hydrogen and oxygen are free in the atmosphere. One is flammable, the other is explosive. But when they come together, they become extinguishing water. Their freedom is gone, but they transform into another life form, a source of life. As people in love let go of their imaginary love objects and qualities, love transforms into mature love. Starting to let go is a sign of growth.” ## **Love without empathy is selfish** Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the most fundamental element for love to turn into a mature love is empathy, adding that the most accurate Turkish equivalent of empathy is the word “insaf” (fairness/conscience), and said, “A person with insaf does not just look at life from their own window, but also from the other person's window. They look at it as 50% me, 50% them. Love with empathy transforms into lasting love. Love without empathy is selfish and causes breakdowns.” ## **Platonic loves can become pathological** Prof. Dr. Tarhan also touched upon the dangers of unrequited and platonic loves, stating that in such cases, the person is not in love with the other person, but with an ideal they created in their own mind. Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that this situation can turn into a pathological condition requiring treatment, saying, “Those people love love itself, they love the feeling of love that it awakens in them. They hypnotize themselves and create a false world. This turns into an autistic way of life. In brain imaging, we see excessive stress hormone secretion in these individuals, and this situation can become cases requiring medication, or even hospitalization.” ## **So that a broken love doesn't turn into trauma…** Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that for a broken love not to turn into trauma, it must be placed within a mental framework and said goodbye to, adding, “If a person places a broken love within a logical framework, they put it into long-term memory. Those who cannot do this cannot say goodbye, cannot disengage. For the end of love not to be traumatic, pain is experienced. If this pain lasts longer than 6-8 weeks, it is a situation that requires treatment.” ## **Can a man be in love with two women?** Prof. Dr. Tarhan also noted that it is not realistic for a man to be romantically in love with two women at once, concluding his words by saying, “This is not new love; it is embarking on a new adventure. Love is sustainable if there is honesty. The relationship must be defined; are you engaged, betrothed, or married? An undefined relationship causes the parties to always see themselves as 'expendable' and becomes vulnerable to traumas.” --- *Kaynak: [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr) — https://uha.com.tr/prof-dr-nevzat-tarhan-is-love-possible-for-two-people-at-the-same-time*