---
title: "Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “A house becomes a ‘HÂNE’ with love and trust” | UHA"
description: "Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “A house becomes a ‘HÂNE’ with love and trust”"
url: https://uha.com.tr/prof-nevzat-tarhan-a-house-becomes-a-hane-with-love-and-trust
type: article
language: en
last_updated: 2026-02-17
category: haber
---

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# Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “A house becomes a ‘HÂNE’ with love and trust”

## Bilgi

| Özellik | Değer |
|---------|-------|
| **Kategori** | haber |
| **Yayın Tarihi** | 2026-02-16 |
| **Güncelleme** | 2026-02-17 |
| **Kaynak** | [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr/prof-nevzat-tarhan-a-house-becomes-a-hane-with-love-and-trust) |

## Özet

**President of Üsküdar University and psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan delivered a talk as part of the Islamic Arts “HÂNE” Exhibition organized by the Albayrak Group to preserve traditional Islamic arts and pass them on to future generations. In his talk titled “When Does a House Become a ‘HÂNE’ (home)?”, Tarhan emphasized the importance of family, stating, “The family is the root structure where an individual’s character is shaped.” Stressing that love and respect are the fundamental values that sustain a family, he said, “A house becomes a ‘hâne’ with love and trust.” He also highlighted the importance of justice, trust, and a sense of responsibility within the family, noting that small but meaningful actions strengthen marriage.**

## İçerik

![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-192233-260216072329.png)



The talk, held at the Tophane-i Âmire Culture and Arts Center, was moderated by Clinical Psychologist and author Hilal Çorbacıoğlu.



![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-192507-260216072533.png)



## **“A cell is destroyed by DNA damage, and the family also has DNA…”**



In the well-attended program, psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to the decisive role of the family in character formation: “The concept that best defines the family is the root family. When we try to understand a person’s character, we attempt to understand their root family. The root family is where a person grows up and takes root. If the soil where a tree is rooted is healthy, the tree develops well. Likewise, if the foundation of the family is solid, the first core circle consists of mother, father, and siblings. The second circle includes other members of the nuclear family such as grandparents, relatives, and close social surroundings. The third circle encompasses society, the country, humanity, the universe, and ultimately the divine circle. All these circles must be interconnected. Just as our body is made up of cells, society is made up of families. The family is the smallest building block of society, like a single cell in the body. What most damages a cell? DNA damage. When the genetic codes of the cell are disrupted, it creates a carcinogenic effect and leads to cell destruction. The family also has its own DNA. It is necessary to understand that DNA well and act in accordance with it. If we can achieve this, the family becomes the place where a person’s character is built. The root family constructs character.”



![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-192400-260216072422.png)



## **The five golden values in the family**



Explaining the foundational values of a healthy family, Tarhan said: “The comparison between ‘hâne’ and ‘calligraphy’ is a beautiful metaphor. Just as calligraphy is written with meticulous care, the same care must be shown to the family. For a healthy and attentive family structure, we define five ‘S’ principles. The first is love. Love is a well-known concept, but it is not sufficient on its own. There is a greater concept that includes empathy within it: compassion. Compassion also contains dignity. It is especially strong in mothers. The second is respect. Respect is the core, but it must be a respect that includes empathy. A person can show respect out of fear, but respect that arises from not wanting to hurt someone is courtesy. Compassion and courtesy are very special concepts within the family. The third is sincerity. It means that the parties behave genuinely toward one another, do not pretend, remain natural, and try to understand each other. Sincerity forms the basis of healthy communication. The fourth is patience. Patience is not withdrawing to a corner and waiting. There are two types of patience: negative and positive patience. Negative patience means not rebelling in the face of hardship, illness, and adversity, being able to give thanks and endure within those conditions. Positive patience means being able to tolerate difficulties while moving toward a goal. The fifth ‘S’ is loyalty. In marriage, spouses have an obligation of loyalty toward each other. The word loyalty has two meanings. The first is truthfulness, meaning honesty, keeping one’s word, and being sincere. The second is commitment, remaining faithful and devoted to the relationship. The five most precious golden values in the family are love, respect, sincerity, patience, and loyalty.”



## **“The issue of family is not only an individual matter”**



Emphasizing that the family structure is undergoing transformation on a global scale, Tarhan said: “Our family institution is almost under attack. In many parts of the world, we see that the family is being targeted. I noticed this professionally as well. I began writing my first book on family around 2003 to 2004. During that period, I observed that a woman-centered psychological influence and debate was being conducted through works such as ‘Women’s Psychology.’ In our culture, women represent a sensitive focal point. I thought that a certain direction and influence were being created through this area. It does not appear to be merely a naturally evolving process, but at times seems systematic and organized. There is also a socio-political dimension to this issue. Discussions on family structure, population growth, and social change at a global scale are striking. Topics such as the future of the world’s population, birth rates, and the role of the family institution are frequently brought to the agenda by different circles. Therefore, the issue of family is not only an individual matter but also a social and global one.”



![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-192908-260216072927.png)



## **“People are searching for a solution…”**



Pointing out that ego struggles lie at the heart of family conflicts, Tarhan stated: “One of the most important factors that break families apart is ego wars. Divisions such as ‘what I say versus what you say,’ ‘my mother versus your mother,’ ‘my side versus your side’ cause serious fractures within the family. In this sense, I believe a weakening process directed at the family is taking place. When I first voiced this, it was considered exaggerated. I even wrote about it in my early books. At that time, in European countries such as England and France, data showed that several people were losing their lives daily due to domestic violence. In Türkiye, about twenty years ago, this number was at the level of a few cases per month. Over time, a similar picture began to emerge here as well. Today, almost every day, one or several women lose their lives due to domestic violence. Rather than politicizing the issue solely under the heading of violence against women, it should be addressed more broadly as domestic violence. Violence can emerge wherever there is a power imbalance. Violence against women, children, and the elderly are different manifestations of the same problem. For example, it is reported that a significant portion of emergency room admissions in the United States stem from domestic violence. All of this has turned into painful statistics. Therefore, people are searching for a solution. Yet despite the whole picture, there is no need for despair.”



## **“Those who mature early can be more peaceful”**



Expressing that a sense of justice within the family is a fundamental condition for peace, Tarhan said: “Maturity occurs over time. Those who mature early can be more peaceful, while those who mature later may struggle with emotional regulation, experience conflict, and have difficulty sustaining relationships. This also underlies their inability to overcome obstacles in marriage. Living together means two different individuals coming together. Every person has a life script learned in childhood. The memories we accumulate, the stories we carry, and the actors within those stories are different. When we marry, the life script we learned in childhood continues to exist in our mind, soul, and heart. However, with marriage, new actors enter our lives: our spouse, their family, and new social environments. In this situation, that childhood script must be rewritten together with the new actors. If a person does not do this and instead expects, ‘Be like my father,’ or ‘Be like my mother,’ rigidity of thought emerges. Where there is cognitive rigidity, there is no mental flexibility, and where there is no mental flexibility, conflict becomes inevitable. In marriage and family, there is a golden mean. One person takes a step, then the other takes a step, and they meet in the middle. This is the golden standard of communication. The mentality of ‘I am right, come to me and obey’ is not communication. It turns the relationship into one of enslavement. Transforming the relationship between a woman and a man into that of master and slave is oppression.”



## **“Everyone must fulfill their responsibility”**



Stating that trust emerges where there is fair sharing, Tarhan said: “The only uncorrupted sacred book is the Qur'an. The stories within it serve as signposts, guides, and references for us. It is possible to apply this guidance to family life as well. When the concept of justice exists within the family, peace and trust are established. Trust arises where there is fair sharing. Fair sharing is extremely important both for the family and for society. Today, it is discussed that this is also related to human nature and that some aspects may even have genetic foundations. Therefore, justice is not only a social principle but also a determining one for individual life. Among the fundamental pillars of the Qur'an are Tawhid, Prophethood, and belief in the Hereafter. Alongside these, justice stands out as a very strong foundation. The strong emphasis on justice demonstrates how central it is in organizing life. Sociologist Şerif Mardin also makes a noteworthy observation on this matter. He states that while the Qur'an does not present a detailed and direct model of state governance, it strongly emphasizes justice. This can be interpreted as leaving forms of governance to the cultural and historical development of societies. Similarly, the fact that the Prophet did not leave a specific will regarding state governance at the time of his passing may be seen as an indication that humanity can reach a certain level of maturity and assume its own responsibility. This is a teaching aimed at human development. Therefore, instead of constantly expecting a savior, everyone must feel their own responsibility and do their part.”



## **“Intention is what initiates goal-setting in the brain”**



Explaining that intention is the most important starting point shaping human behavior, Tarhan said: “In a sacred hadith it is stated, ‘If you have good intention and sincere effort, I will complete the rest.’ As a divine statement, this expresses the value of intention and effort. It indicates that when there is good intention and sincere striving, the rest will be completed with divine support. For this reason, intention lies at the foundation of all acts of worship. When we examine research on the neuroscience of intention, we see that the brain functions differently in intentional versus unintentional behavior. In intentional behavior, the brain works in harmony like an orchestra. In unintentional behavior, the brain becomes much more open to external influences. If you enter traffic knowing where you are going, even if there are distractions along the way, you do not easily deviate from your route. You say, ‘I am going there, I gave my word.’ But if you have no goal, then distractions can redirect you more easily. When you set a goal, you can say no to influences that try to lead you astray. What initiates goal setting in the human brain is intention. Intention forms the goal, the goal creates need, need generates desire, and desire feeds motivation. There is such a cycle. Intention is the first step, followed by goal, need, and motivation. This process operates in every area of our lives.”



## **“Roles within the family are transforming…”**



Drawing attention to how modern life complicates family roles, Tarhan said: “Due to modernism, the fast pace of life, and the competitive environment created by the capitalist system, a role conflict can arise between the role of being a professional and the roles of motherhood, fatherhood, and being a spouse. If the mother works, she is a businesswoman; if the father works, he is a businessman. I refer to both as professionals. When these roles overlap, conflicts can emerge. In the family assessment scale we use, one of the important items is role sharing. For example, does a woman reject the role of motherhood or femininity? Does a man reject the role of fatherhood or masculinity? These are important issues in terms of family balance. Studies in neuroscience also show that role confusion can increase levels of stress and conflict. Both the teachings of our religion and the wisdom of Anatolia describe a balance within the family. Accordingly, a distinction is made between internal reality and external reality. The mother is generally more concerned with internal reality, such as the emotional atmosphere, household order, and the warmth of relationships. The father is more concerned with external reality, such as connections with the outside world, livelihood, and external responsibilities. For this reason, the mother has been likened to the minister of internal affairs of the home, and the father to the minister of foreign affairs. However, as living conditions and social structures change today, we see that these roles are also undergoing significant transformation.”



## **Four simple yet effective behaviors that sustain marriage**



Emphasizing that small but meaningful behaviors keep the family standing, Tarhan said: “How did we protect ourselves during the pandemic? We took precautions, got vaccinated, and protected ourselves. In the past, it was also possible to protect oneself from epidemics such as the plague. It is often noted that because concepts of cleanliness and hygiene were strong in Islamic societies, the plague was less prevalent compared to the West. Cleanliness and hygiene have a protective function. The family also has its own hygiene. If we act in accordance with it, the family can protect itself from the psychological illnesses of our time. Hygiene here means preventive mental health. Families are established with great ideals and dreams, but they are sustained by small things. There are four simple yet effective behaviors that keep a marriage alive: a loving glance, a smile, a few kind words, and a warm touch. Practicing these four small behaviors within the family creates an adhesive effect. The other person may seem not to deserve it at that moment, but no good deed is wasted. This approach applies to both sides.”



## **“A good family is one in which healthy relationships can be sustained”**



Stating that the greatest gift parents can give a child is time and a sense of security, Tarhan concluded his remarks as follows: “The greatest good a mother and father can do for their child is to devote time to them. This requires quality togetherness. It is very important for the home to be a space of security within the family. Men and women are created with biologically different characteristics. Under stress, men tend to stand out more with their protective qualities, while women stand out more with nurturing and emotional care. When these two qualities complement each other, a healthy relationship emerges. For this reason, when roles become completely opposed or conflict with one another, the family structure can be damaged. Maintaining this balance in lifestyle is important. We must teach our children virtue and morality, but we must begin by teaching ourselves. To make our family a warm home and a safe space, we should ask ourselves, ‘What is my responsibility here?’ Internal self-awareness, self-management, social awareness meaning empathy, and relationship management. A person who can carry out these four areas together becomes the leader of the home. This can be a woman or a man. Whoever is the emotional leader of the home is the one who provides psychological direction. This leadership is not achieved by shouting, but by being able to establish healthy family dynamics. From the perspective of mental health, what we call a good family is one in which healthy relationships can be sustained. One of the most important indicators of psychological resilience is the ability to preserve good relationships within the family. Let this be our intention.”



![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-193003-260216073017.png)



Following the talk, a gift was presented to Tarhan.



![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-193057-260216073114.png)



## **Tarhan toured the Islamic Arts “HÂNE” Exhibition**



After the program, President of Üsküdar University, psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, toured the Islamic Arts “HÂNE” Exhibition and received information about the works on display.



![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/ekran-resmi-2026-02-16-193203-260216073218.png)

## Akademik Referans

DOI: [https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.66378](https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.66378)

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*Kaynak: [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr) — https://uha.com.tr/prof-nevzat-tarhan-a-house-becomes-a-hane-with-love-and-trust*