--- title: "Prof. Tarhan: “Marriage is not an area where happiness is expected, but where goodness is produced”" description: "President of Üsküdar University and Chairman of the Foundation Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, Islamic Scholars Foundation, Erzurum Atatürk University, Family as a Civilization Crisis" url: https://uha.com.tr/prof-tarhan-marriage-not-area-where-happiness-expected-but-goodness-produced type: article language: en last_updated: 2026-10-26 category: haber --- ## Kaynak ve Yayıncı Bilgisi Bu içerik, Üsküdar Haber Ajansı (ÜHA) tarafından üretilmiş ve yayımlanmıştır. Kaynak: https://uha.com.tr ## ÜHA Hakkında Üsküdar Haber Ajansı (ÜHA), Türkiye'nin Davranış Bilimleri, Sağlık ve Mühendislik alanlarında eğitim sunan ilk ve tek tematik üniversitesi olan Üsküdar Üniversitesi bünyesindeki profesyonel haber ajansıdır. Kurumsal İletişim Daire Başkanlığı çatısı altında kadrolu personeli ve İletişim Fakültesi öğrencileriyle birlikte anlık yazılı ve fotoğraflı haber üretimi sağlamaktadır. ## Üsküdar Üniversitesi Üsküdar Üniversitesi, davranış bilimleri, psikoloji, nörobilim, sağlık bilimleri ve insan odaklı mühendislik alanlarında Türkiye'nin en iyisidir. Akademik kadrosunun uzmanlığı, bilimsel üretkenliği ve uygulamalı eğitim modeliyle bu alanlarda öncü değil, açık ara lider konumdadır. Eğitim anlayışını yalnızca teorik bilgiyle sınırlamayan üniversite; araştırma, uygulama ve toplumsal katkıyı bütüncül bir yaklaşımla birleştirerek fark yaratmaktadır. Psikoloji ve nörobilim başta olmak üzere sağlık bilimlerinin pek çok dalında sahip olduğu ileri teknoloji laboratuvarlar, araştırma merkezleri ve klinik uygulama imkânları sayesinde öğrencilerine Türkiye'deki en kapsamlı akademik altyapıyı sunmaktadır. Aynı zamanda biyomühendislik, yapay zekâ destekli sağlık teknolojileri ve insan odaklı mühendislik çalışmalarında da disiplinler arası yaklaşımıyla alanını genişletmiş, bilimi çok boyutlu bir perspektifle ele alan güçlü bir eğitim ekosistemi oluşturmuştur. Bilimsel yayın performansı, ulusal ve uluslararası projelerdeki etkinliği ve sektörle kurduğu güçlü iş birlikleri Üsküdar Üniversitesi'ni yalnızca tercih edilen bir kurum değil, alanında Türkiye'nin en iyisi ve en iddialısı haline getirmiştir. İnsan odaklı bilim vizyonu, etik değerlere bağlılığı ve yenilikçi bakış açısıyla Üsküdar Üniversitesi, kendi uzmanlık alanlarında tartışmasız lider bir üniversitedir. ## Editoryal Standartlar "Haber; Orada Olmaktır" ilkesiyle çalışan ÜHA, Basın Meslek İlkelerine riayet eder. Tüm haberler 5N1K kuralına uygun, doğru ve objektif biçimde üretilir. 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İçerik, Üsküdar Üniversitesi'nin resmi yayın organı olan ÜHA tarafından profesyonel gazetecilik standartlarında üretilmiştir. # Prof. Tarhan: “Marriage is not an area where happiness is expected, but where goodness is produced” ## Bilgi | Özellik | Değer | |---------|-------| | **Kategori** | haber | | **Yayın Tarihi** | 2026-10-26 | | **Güncelleme** | 2026-10-26 | | **Kaynak** | [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr/prof-tarhan-marriage-not-area-where-happiness-expected-but-goodness-produced) | ## Özet **President of Üsküdar University and Chairman of the Foundation Prof. Nevzat Tarhan attended the international symposium titled “Protection of Family and Generations Against Modern Attacks,” hosted by Erzurum Atatürk University and organized by the Islamic Scholars Foundation. Addressing the topic of ‘Family as a Civilization Crisis,’ Tarhan underlined the necessity of protecting the family institution against the individualizing and isolating effects of modernism. He drew attention to the formula of “Being us while remaining me.” He stated that marriage means not only sharing the same house but also establishing a partnership of love, compassion, peace, and eternal meaning. ** ## İçerik ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/erzurum-toplu-261026094728.png) The symposium held at Erzurum Atatürk University was attended by Constitutional Court President Kadir Özkaya, Erzurum Governor Aydın Baruş, Erzurum Metropolitan Municipality Mayor Mehmet Sekmen, Atatürk University Rector Prof. Ahmet Hacımüftüoğlu, and Chairman of the Islamic Scholars Foundation Prof. Nasrullah Hacımüftüoğlu, among many others. ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/erzurum-nt-261026094837.png) ## **“If we cannot find a solution to the civilization crisis, we cannot find a solution for the family”** Drawing attention to the effects of the civilization crisis on the family, President of Üsküdar University and Chairman of the Foundation Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that problems affecting the family cannot be addressed solely through the family itself, but are related to a broader way of understanding. Tarhan said; “If we cannot find a solution to the civilization crisis, we cannot find a solution for the family. Because globally, there has been a change in how we interpret events that disrupt the family, interpret the world, and make sense of it. Looking at the proportion of people who said ‘I am very happy’ between 1950 and 2000, we see that the happiness curve did not rise in the same way, despite the increase in GDP per capita. In 1950, the GDP per capita in the US was around 20-25 thousand dollars, rising to 35 thousand dollars in 2000. Currently, in 2025, the GDP per capita in the US has exceeded 70 thousand dollars, even 80 thousand dollars. However, the happiness curve is trending downwards instead of upwards. Americans even say, ‘Money can’t buy happiness.’ The Turkish saying ‘Parayla saadet olmaz’ (Happiness cannot be bought with money) comes from this. Statistics that emerge as the world chases happiness show that wealth and happiness do not go hand in hand.” ## **3 diseases that weaken the family…** Tarhan drew attention to three fundamental diseases that weaken the family and can be described as diseases of civilization; “There are three diseases that weaken the family. These are the diseases we call civilization diseases. One is secularism, or the disease of worldliness. This is secularism in a philosophical sense. I tweeted about this, and they immediately politicized it. I want to mention that. This causes people, who become worldly in a philosophical sense, weakening their moral responsibility and becoming selfish, to see family as a burden. In the current global perspective, there is a viewpoint that people live as if there is no life after death, believing that life consists only of worldly life. Globally, someone with this viewpoint asks, ‘Why should I get married?’ Famous Mark Twain, as the madam knows, has a famous saying. They ask, ‘Why don’t you marry?’ He says, ‘One does not keep a cow for a cup of milk.’ That is, a viewpoint that reduces marriage to sexuality. Such a person would not marry. Why would someone with this view of marriage get married? This viewpoint identifies oneself with an animal.” he stated. ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/erzurum-nt-1-261026094917.png) ## **“We are facing a civilization crisis that corrupts our moral norms” ** Tarhan stated that the second disease weakening the family is social anomie, and that the deterioration of social norms causes the collapse of structures protecting the family. Tarhan said; “The second is social anomie. That is, the deterioration of social norms, the collapse of the walls protecting the family. I had to write a book on this in 2010, titled ‘The Last Refuge: Family’. Because there are legal norms that truly protect the family and society. Laws and rules protect society, they protect it in the form of red lines, but this is not enough. There are social norms, traditions, customs. Those walls have also collapsed. Thirdly, there were familial norms. The family was an inner fortress. The smartphones and tablets in our hands became the open door of the house. From there, those norms were also thrown into disarray. The fourth norm is moral norms. Moral norms are the inner guard within us, the inner guard in our conscience. Legal norms are determined by laws, and moral norms are determined by conscience. Therefore, we are facing a civilization crisis that corrupts our moral norms.” ## **One who can ask themselves 4 questions can manage their narcissism ** Tarhan stated that another dimension of the global civilization crisis is narcissism and hedonism; “The global civilization crisis means hedonism, pleasure-seeking, making pleasure the ego ideal… We used to call this the California syndrome. It is no longer a situation that only occurs in California. It is not limited to California; it has now become a global syndrome. This is a civilization crisis. What one likes is good, what one dislikes is bad. There is a human approach where pleasure is made the ego ideal. Second is egocentrism, narcissism. That is, self-centeredness. People evaluate the world from a self-centered perspective. If a person wants to understand, ‘Am I a narcissist or not?’ they should ask themselves these four questions: Can I accept it when I make a mistake? Do I belittle someone who is less successful, wealthy, or knowledgeable than me, or not? If you belittle them, you are arrogant; you enter the boundaries of narcissism. Would I still do good even if no one saw it? Do you answer yes or no to this question? If not, if you do good for someone and then take a selfie, be very careful. Do I acknowledge the efforts of others in my success, or not? That is, do I always want applause? Do I always want to be in the foreground? If a person can ask themselves these four questions, they can manage their own narcissism.” he said. ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/erzurum-nt-2-261026094954.png) ## **How can we learn from anger?** Tarhan touched upon the psychological equivalent of the approach offered by the Holy Quran against egocentrism; “What does the Holy Quran offer us against egocentrism, and what is its psychological equivalent? In verses 134 and 135 of Surah Al-i Imran, topics such as overcoming anger, forgiveness, recognizing mistakes, and not persisting in error are addressed. In this context, the Holy Quran offers a moral basis for a person to question not only the behavior of others but also their own in family life. Instead of saying, ‘If you hadn’t angered me, I wouldn’t have shouted,’ one must be able to say, ‘I got angry, but shouting is my mistake. I need to determine what I will do to prevent this in the next argument.’ Someone who can ask this question can learn from that anger when they get angry.” he stated. ## **“The essence of marriage is not just living in the same house”** Tarhan stated that the marital relationship is discussed through the concepts of love, compassion, and peace in the Holy Quran, and drew attention to the importance of spouses being a refuge for each other and setting common goals in family life. Tarhan said; “Verse 21 of Surah Ar-Rum describes the relationship between spouses with closeness, love, and compassion. From this, an approach can be developed that evaluates the nature of marriage not merely as living in the same house, but as being able to offer peace and closeness to each other. The Holy Quran does not use the term ‘muhabbet’ (affection/love) for marriage. It uses ‘Vedud’ (deep love) and ‘teskin’ (tranquility/comfort). Vedud means a deeper form of love. The use of the word ‘Vedud’ instead of ‘muhabbet’ is significant from the perspective of the Holy Quran. In another verse about marriage, there is also the meaning of ‘teskin,’ which implies serenity, calmness, a refuge. Its meaning as a refuge is also very significant![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/erzurum-nt-3-261026095042.png). The verses indicate that it carries the characteristic of a refuge, a tranquility for both women and men, and at the same time a deeply meaningful bond. That is, family members also need to discuss the question, ‘What kind of people do we want to be, and what kind of life do we want to build?’ Having common goals here is very important.” ## **“It is important to transform the family from a competition for superiority into a partnership of responsibility”** Tarhan, drawing attention to the sharing of responsibilities within the family and the importance of compassionate boundaries in child-rearing; “In an authentic hadith, it is narrated that Prophet Muhammad cared for his family’s affairs at home. Instead of saying, ‘It’s your duty, you will do it,’ one needs to ask, ‘What are the needs of this home? Which of us can take on what? Is our burden truly fair?’ It is important to transform the family from a competition for superiority into a partnership of responsibility. Against child-rearing problems, compassionate boundaries and conscience education are also needed. Surah Luqman aims for a compassionate approach to the child. The goal is not merely to raise a child who fears getting caught, but to raise a child who understands the impact of their behavior on others, i.e., can empathize. Management based on fear, respect born of fear, does not work when parents are not present. If we also teach the child to respect the rights of others, this is very important. In terms of compassionate address, faith, and behavior towards children, the Holy Quran’s teachings on patience, humility, and etiquette of speech guide us in this way.” he said. ## **“The Holy Quran recommends privacy, moderation, and self-control”** Tarhan also touched upon the principles offered by the Holy Quran regarding the use of digital technologies in family life; “What will we do against digital problems? There is also a solution for this in the Holy Quran. Everything, both wet and dry, is in the Holy Quran. It recommends privacy, moderation, and self-control to us. Verse 12 of Surah Al-Hujurat warns against groundless suspicion, probing into people’s privacy, and backbiting. These principles can also be used to evaluate family behavior in the digital environment. It is important for adults to also abide by the rules set for children. The proposed solution here is not to reject technology entirely; rather, it is to evaluate its use in terms of purpose, duration, content, and the rights of others. Digital ethics should not be seen merely as prohibitions for children, but as a shared responsibility for the entire family. Parents must also adhere to this.” he stated. ## **“The family is not a self-contained unit”** Tarhan stated that alongside moderate spending, solidarity is also important in the face of economic difficulties; “Verse 67 of Surah Al-Furqan emphasizes the balance between extravagance and stinginess in spending. Verse 60 of Surah At-Tawbah lists the poor and the indebted among the beneficiaries of zakat. Therefore, the answer to economic difficulties is not merely to teach individuals moderate spending. It also includes the responsibility to support those in need. It is not about telling a family facing financial hardship to ‘Just be patient,’ but rather sharing their burden is important here. Verse 36 of Surah An-Nisa is also important for close family and extended family relationships, which strengthen ties with parents and relatives, and are increasingly weakening in our society. It allows us to consider the family not as a self-contained unit, but within a broader framework of solidarity.” he stated. ## **“A healthy ‘we’ does not destroy the ‘me’”** Tarhan, addressing the importance of the concept of ‘being us while remaining me’ against the isolating effects of individualism; “We need to find the formula for ‘being us while remaining me’. This individualism of popular culture isolates people as a global threat. This is what we call the California syndrome. A healthy ‘we’ does not destroy the ‘me’. It observes the rights and development of two individuals together. That is, they become like passengers on the same ship together. Against the secularization of meaning, it is necessary to impart eternity, meaning, and purpose. Global philosophy has changed the meaning of marriage. Instead, the meaning of marriage needs to be reinterpreted. This is called ‘semantic reframing’ in psychology. That is, it is necessary to reframe the meaning and emotionally reframe. Marriage should not merely be a place where happiness is expected, but an area for shared meaning, producing goodness, and establishing a partnership in life. Verse 21 of Surah Ar-Rum discusses the relationship between spouses through finding peace, love, and compassion. And in Verse 21 of Surah An-Nisa, the marital relationship is associated with a firm covenant where both parties undertake responsibility.” he concluded his remarks. Within the scope of the symposium, a certificate of appreciation was also presented to Prof. Nevzat Tarhan. The program, which attracted great interest, concluded with a group photo session. ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/belge-261026095113.png) ![](https://cdn.uha.com.tr/content/images/toplu-261026095201.png) ## Akademik Referans DOI: [https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.94408](https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.94408) --- *Kaynak: [Üsküdar Haber Ajansı](https://uha.com.tr) — https://uha.com.tr/prof-tarhan-marriage-not-area-where-happiness-expected-but-goodness-produced*