Peer Courtesy Summit hosted by Üsküdar University

The “Peer Courtesy Summit,” jointly organized by the İstanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education, Üsküdar University, and the Üsküdar District Directorate of National Education, was held at the Üsküdar University Çarşı Campus. In the panel held within the scope of the summit, courtesy, the transformation of human relations, and the effects of the digital age were discussed from philosophical, neuroscientific, and sociological perspectives.

Former Minister of National Education Prof. Nabi Avcı stated that in the past students were able to listen attentively for up to 15 minutes, saying, “At the point we have reached today, the quality listening time of young people is about 3 minutes. After that, they look at the speaker’s hair, eyes, beard, mustache, the pen in their hand, or the watch. In other words, they are not listening, they are watching.”

President of Üsküdar University Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said, “We can teach peer courtesy through a chatbot. Young people are very fond of artificial intelligence and digital environments. When a case of bullying or exclusion occurs in the classroom, a student can approach the chatbot and ask their question. The most fundamental thing we recommend is to use ‘I-language’ instead of ‘you-language.’”

The “Peer Courtesy Summit,” jointly organized by the İstanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education, Üsküdar University, and the Üsküdar District Directorate of National Education, was held at the Üsküdar University Çarşı Campus.

Hosted by Üsküdar University, the Peer Courtesy Summit brought together teachers, academics, and representatives of the Ministry of National Education. The summit aimed to prevent bullying among young people and to strengthen the culture of courtesy through positive psychology and communication approaches.

Prof. Güngör: “Scientific knowledge that does not turn into life has no value”

Speaking at the opening of the summit, Rector of Üsküdar University Prof. Nazife Güngör emphasized the importance of the summit. Stating that the university carries out its work with the aim of transforming scientific production into social contribution, Prof. Güngör said, “Scientific knowledge that does not turn into life has no value. As a university, we prioritize social responsibility projects as much as education.”

In her speech, Prof. Güngör emphasized that teachers and the Ministry of National Education are the most important solution partners at the summit and said, “Today’s topic is ‘Peer Courtesy.’ Until now, this topic has generally been referred to as ‘Peer Bullying.’ However, as you also notice here, by using the discourse of positive psychology on the one hand and positive communication on the other, we aim to address a serious problem in a gentler, more dignified, and more heartening way. Peer bullying has always existed, but with the widespread use of digital communication technologies, this problem has become much more visible and has sometimes even turned into a show. Visibility provides a positive opportunity in terms of recognizing the problem. In this way, especially against issues that are more common during adolescence, we can create shared points of sensitivity, raise awareness in society, and develop solutions together.”

Üsküdar University Rector’s Advisor Halide Incekara, in her opening speech, thanked the participants of the summit and drew attention to the importance of cooperation and working together.

Provincial Director of National Education Yentür: “Courtesy and humility must be exemplified through lasting behaviors”

İstanbul Provincial Director of National Education Murat Mücahit Yentür drew attention to the importance of teachers and stated that the finest examples of courtesy are displayed in the classroom and school environment. Yentür said, “Our teachers are not only guides for our students in the classroom but also at home. Courtesy and humility suit human beings and gain meaning through human beings. Therefore, the role of teachers and education in this humility is very great. Courtesy and humility must be exemplified through lasting behaviors,” and he shared examples from his own experiences.

Later at the summit, the Peer Courtesy Panel was held. The panel featured President of Üsküdar University Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, Former Minister of National Education Prof. Nabi Avcı, and Prof. Nilufer Pembecioglu.

“First comes the greeting, then comes the conversation”

Speaking at the panel, Former Minister of National Education Prof. Nabi Avcı began his remarks by recalling Fethi Gemuhluoğlu’s saying, “First comes the greeting, then comes the conversation,” and stated that courtesy is not merely a form of behavior but a cultural value with roots and meaning. He also noted that examining the etymology of words is “an exercise that keeps the mind sharp.”

Reminding that the word “courtesy” originates from the Persian word “nazuk,” meaning delicate or refined, Prof. Avcı stated that at its core, courtesy is about refinement and the respect one person feels for another.

“Is man a wolf to man, or sacred to man?”

In his speech, Prof. Avcı also referred to Hobbes’ famous saying, “Man is a wolf to man,” and stated that this expression is often taken out of its context. He emphasized that Hobbes also said, “Man is a god to man,” at the same point, and added, “This means that a human being is both a threat to another human being and at the same time a value and something sacred.”

Prof. Avcı also referred to Martin Buber’s “I and You” relationship model and emphasized that human relationships exist either in the form of “subject to object” or “subject to subject,” and that courtesy can only develop within subject to subject relationships.

“Listening time has dropped to three minutes”

Prof. Nabi Avcı drew attention to the dramatic shortening of listening time, especially among younger generations, stating that in the past students could listen attentively for up to 15 minutes, whereas today this duration has dropped to as little as 3 minutes. Prof. Avcı continued as follows:

“At the point we have reached today, the quality listening time of young people is approximately three minutes. Three minutes. After that, they look at the speaker’s hair, eyes, beard, mustache, the pen in their hand, or the watch. In other words, they are not listening, they are watching. This situation is not exclusive to young people. It has spread to us as well. Watching feels easier and more enjoyable, and we drift into gossip like, ‘What strange clothes, how they are sitting.’ The real issue is this: our learning habits in the brain create pathways, and we can no longer process what lies outside these pathways. When you use Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for three to five hours a day, your mind becomes accustomed to thinking, messaging, and communicating within a space of 200 characters. You eventually become able to express yourself only within 200 characters.”

Prof. Tarhan: “The teacher builds the social and emotional architecture in the child’s brain”

President of Üsküdar University Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that social and emotional capital in children is shaped at an early age and that teachers hold the position of the “second architect” in this process. He said, “The mother gives the first social and emotional capital to the child’s soul. At school, however, the teacher builds the social and emotional architecture in the child’s brain.”

“It is not enough for a child to be intelligent and hardworking. Raising a good human being is essential”

Stating that modern education gives children only concrete goals, Prof. Tarhan said, “Modernism tells the child to be intelligent and successful. However, if an intelligent, hardworking, and successful person lacks the morality of virtue, they can drift into risky areas. This is why we see well-educated young people producing synthetic drugs, entering illegal structures, and engaging in unethical behavior. The third parameter, which is ‘raising a good human being,’ is left incomplete.”

Prof. Tarhan stated that virtue ethics is acquired between the ages of 4 and 6 and that after this period such education becomes much more difficult. He also gave the example that in Japan and China, character education is placed ahead of academic education.

“The main purpose of education is to prepare the child for life”

Stating that teaching history, geography, and mathematics to a child is of secondary importance in early childhood, Prof. Tarhan said, “At that age, we even teach the child that the fish in the aquarium can die, because we want the child to recognize the realities of life. A child who is raised with the mindset of ‘Do not let them experience stress, do not let them feel sad’ may be happy, but they are not prepared for life. The main purpose of education is to prepare the child for life.”

“Courtesy is a concept that truly suits peer relationships”

Pointing out that children should have a purpose for which they can make an effort and struggle, Prof. Tarhan said, “Just as we talk about economic capital, social capital and emotional capital are also related to a child’s life purpose. At this point, courtesy is a very important concept. Respect is valuable, but courtesy is a concept even above respect. Courtesy is the feeling of not wanting to hurt another person. The roots of the concept of courtesy in our culture also point to this. In our culture, it means refinement and is based on not offending the other person. Even the harshest words can be spoken in the most courteous way. This is called diplomacy, not political maneuvering. Courtesy is both a cultural value and a concept that truly suits peer relationships.”

“Adolescence is the period when a child says, ‘I am now an individual separate from my family’”

Stating that young people like to criticize the generations before them and that this becomes even more pronounced during adolescence, Prof. Tarhan said, “This is because adolescence is the period when the child says, ‘I am now an individual separate from my family.’ At the core of adolescent psychology lies this need for separation. The adolescent wants to move away from home and establish their own space. Instead of a traditional advisory language, an approach that highlights courtesy, especially its dimension of empathy, is much more effective. In other words, the main emphasis should be on empathic communication.”

“The life purpose that modernism teaches today is hedonism”

Emphasizing that the pleasure-oriented culture imposed by modernism weakens younger generations, Prof. Tarhan said that the solution lies in “empathy, peer courtesy, and a positive school climate.”

Drawing attention to the neurobiological and social effects of the modern pleasure culture, Prof. Tarhan also referred to the 2017 book by endocrinologist Robert Lustig and said, “In his book, Lustig says, ‘The American economy has hacked the American brain.’ We want to bring this book into Turkish. What we call the disease of modernism is spreading rapidly across societies. This situation is also known as the ‘California Syndrome.’”

“Today, the rate of single-parent households has reached 30 to 35 percent”

Drawing attention to the transformation of the family structure in Türkiye, Prof. Tarhan stated that single-parent households have increased significantly. He emphasized that while extended family structures were once common, today the rate of single-parent households has reached 30 to 35 percent and that this represents “serious household vulnerability.”

Pointing to the impact of modern life on this transformation, Prof. Tarhan stated that cultural transmission was previously carried out by the family and the education system, but today this role has largely been taken over by social media.

The first edition of the book “The Science of Happiness and Values” has sold out

Emphasizing that there is no need for pessimism and that solution-oriented approaches also exist in the digital age, Prof. Tarhan stated that Üsküdar University has taken responsibility in this field and prepared an educational project together with 20 psychologists.

Prof. Tarhan stated that the first edition of the book “The Science of Happiness and Values,” which was prepared within the scope of the project and published in 2022 in the format of a supplementary textbook approved by the Ministry of National Education, has sold out and that the second edition has also been published. He explained that the book begins with the theme of “the meaning and purpose of life,” and that young people are taught the attention pyramid, the importance and priority pyramid, goal setting, followed by skills such as forgiveness, empathy, stress management, gratitude, and thankfulness. Prof. Tarhan stated that this system, in which Anatolian wisdom is combined with modern psychology and positive science, aims to strengthen the emotional and value world of young people. He also added that the university has made this work available to the public and the entire education system free of charge in PDF format.

“The Goal Companionship model reduces peer bullying”

Stating that the positive effects of the Goal Companionship model they developed at Üsküdar University were demonstrated in an article published at Hacettepe University, Prof. Tarhan explained how the system works as follows: “We established a peer mentoring and peer mediation system. When there is a problem, peers first try to solve it themselves. We pair a Turkish student with a foreign student, similar to a buddy system. This reduces both grouping and conflicts.”

Stating that every problem experienced during adolescence is a “growth opportunity,” Prof. Tarhan added, “Instead of saying ‘You are bullying,’ we should say ‘Let us use peer mediation.’ When you strengthen positive behaviors, negative ones naturally fade away.”

“We can teach peer courtesy through a chatbot”

Stating that artificial intelligence is an important tool in this process, Prof. Tarhan also shared a new project proposal:“I thought about what could be done for the Peer Courtesy Project. We can teach peer courtesy through a chatbot. Young people love artificial intelligence and digital environments. For this reason, a chatbot can be developed. As a team, we can add three separate modules to the software language of this chatbot: a student module, a teacher module, and a parent module. When a case of bullying or exclusion occurs in the classroom, the student can come to the chatbot and ask their question. The most fundamental thing we recommend is using ‘I-language’ instead of ‘you-language.’ For example, when a child says, ‘Why did you exclude me?’ the other side may respond harshly and a fight may break out. However, if the child says, ‘When you excluded me, I felt very bad,’ conflict is largely prevented. Even such a simple skill can solve many problems.

Explaining this individually to every student would be both difficult and time-consuming. However, through a chatbot, comprehensive training can be implemented within six months or one year. As Üsküdar University, we already have such content ready. If we establish this system together with the Ministry of National Education and a software team, we can use the chatbot in all secondary and high schools across Türkiye.”

Stating that the concept of Peer Courtesy is the correct concept, Prof. Tarhan said, “Instead of constantly talking about peer bullying, if we increase positive behaviors, bullying will already decrease on its own. When we increase empathy education and kindness behaviors in schools, bullying will naturally begin to fade away gradually.”

Prof. Nilüfer Pembecioğlu: “Courtesy is actually something learned in childhood”

Prof. Nilüfer Pembecioğlu from the Department of Radio, Television, and Cinema at Istanbul University Faculty of Communication drew attention to the importance of early childhood in learning values such as courtesy and empathy and said, “Every child is born with tremendous capacity. Courtesy is actually something learned in childhood. If we do not learn it at the right time, we may never learn it at all.”

Also speaking about the effects of the digital age on children, Prof. Pembecioğlu said, “Children perceive the world and people through screens, guided by the flow of information they receive. In the digital environment, children become lonely. They cannot find people they can identify with or take as role models. A child who cannot learn courtesy and empathy cannot display valuable behaviors toward others. First, the child needs to feel valuable.”

Prof. Pembecioğlu added, “Children express themselves both with their teachers and with their families. Genuine and sincere communication motivates them and allows them to discover themselves. Digital loneliness and screen addiction dull children’s other skills. Putting a computer in front of a child isolates them. Establishing one-on-one communication with them is more important today than ever before.”